In my online parenting course, one of the concepts I introduce to parents is the idea that we all perceive and interpret the world through our beliefs and life experiences. I invite them to imagine wearing sunglasses (our beliefs often “darken our vision”) and contemplate what beliefs they have that could be contributing to the negativity and challenges they are experiencing in their lives.

Experiencing World Religions

I am not the first person to use this analogy. I am sure it has been around for years. However, my first memory of hearing something along these lines was in 2014 when I participated in a week-long event called Encounter World Religions (it was such a life-changing week for me I went again in 2017). I remember as I sat in our lecture room at the University of Toronto, the facilitator, Brian Carwana, finished speaking to us about the first religion on the agenda. Then he began to prepare the group for our on-site experience. Before we all loaded the bus, he invited us to listen to the practitioners and witness the ceremony of this religion with an open mind. He suggested that perhaps we could temporarily take off the lenses of our own beliefs and just experience the event with no judgment, with no need to decide what is right or wrong. Could we simply just allow ourselves to listen and observe from that space?

I found those words inspiring and impactful. They landed strongly on me and I made a commitment that over the entire week, as I entered a church, a temple, a mosque, a synagogue, a gurdwara or a place of worship in nature, I would take my “belief glasses” off and just listen.

My friend Laurie and I outside of a Mosque near Toronto.

A Strategy For Managing Everyday Challenges

I started using this strategy every time I found myself in a new experience that was causing me discomfort. I truly experienced a feeling of peace within my heart and felt like I witnessed the same in those around me when I simply observed without evaluation. It’s not easy. We all judge. That’s what the mind does. It takes conscious awareness to override this powerful default mode. And so, now, on a daily basis, when I am in a challenging moment, I take deep breaths and visualize the glasses coming off. I know I have accomplished the task when instant peace and ease enters my body.

Managing Stressful Moments With Children

I must say, the places in my life where I have struggled the most to take my glasses off is with children: my own kids and my students. After all, “I am the adult here and so I should know more and know better than them right?”

Now there’s a painful belief that really darkens my glasses!

I have found that children have been my greatest spiritual teachers. I have discovered that when I am brave enough to let go, particularly in times of challenge or pain, take a deep breath and be open to seeing the situation differently, peace instantly arises. Not because by taking a deep breath, they stop yelling, stop crying, or stop fighting. Not because by taking a deep breath, I am able to manipulate my outside world, but because by taking a deep breath and taking my “I already know” glasses off, I open myself up to seeing the situation in a completely new way that always opens my mind with easeful next steps and floods my heart with peace.

Let me share a fairly recent example…

A Life Lesson Learned From a Child

I teach kindergarten to grade 3 students music and drama. I love my job. I use music and drama as conduits to teach my students important life skills like teamwork, communication skills, greater self-awareness, empathy, and compassion. I invite them to take off their “glasses” of thinking they know what a friend is thinking, they know why she did that, letting go of “he should… she shouldn’t…” or letting go of labeling him as bad or mean.

It turns out, without even knowing it, they offer me the opportunity for me to walk my talk. Almost every day I am in a situation where I can keep my glasses on and suffer, or I can take a deep breath and view a painful situation from a whole new perspective.

This past March, as I was preparing to teach a grade one class, I had a “life lesson” experience with a student that moved me deeply.

I had just entered the room and the students were busy taking off their outer wear from recess and making their way to the carpet to put on their inside shoes. One of my students, Divjot, came over to me as I was taking things out of my music bin and said to me with a smile, “Guess what Mrs. McPherson? My god is better than your god.” I suddenly felt tension go straight up my back as I instantly noticed myself go into a place of defensiveness. I was feeling pain as though I had been attacked. I did not like this feeling and then I noticed how my mind almost instantly went into a chatter something like, “Why does she think her god is better than my god? Who told her that? How does she even know about my god is? How does she even know what I believe and don’t believe?”

I must admit, in addition, I didn’t feel alone in this apparent moment of attack. It almost felt like it was her “tribe” against mine. Her people against my people. I felt like the words that came from this little 6 year olds mouth were not her’s alone. It felt like she was more the messenger than the owner of those words. I felt like my “tribe” had also spoken those words. I felt like the weight and anger in my heart wasn’t just mine. It was like in the flash of a moment, her ancestors and mine, were on opposing teams once again.

Remembering To Take A Deep Breath

If there was any time I needed to take a deep breath, it was in THIS moment. I knew what I did or said next could contribute to the collective animosity, ignorance and pain of our prejudice and racial histories, or I could contribute to the collective healing of “our people”, in this case, my people being White Western European descent and hers being East Indian descent.

I must not have been hiding my angry thoughts very well because when my mind returned to the room, I looked down to see Divjot looking scared and withdrawn. She was saying something like, “Sorry, sorry, what I meant was ah, what I mean is like my god is different than yours and ah, well ah…”

I took a deep breath and “removed my glasses”...

Then I sat down on the teaching table beside my bin, making loving eye contact with her and from somewhere I heard these words come out of my mouth, “Divjot, please, tell me more about this god of yours.”

Divjot eyes lit up immediately. She was so excited she could barely speak in sentences. She said, “Well, we have a temple and ah... “ while fidgeting with her clothing and looking downwards.

Agreement Verses Acceptance

I have spoken to many organizations about my knowledge and experiences with world religions. I share a talk I call, “Agreement vs. Acceptance” The purpose of my talk is to help people better understand other religions and in turn feel less alienated or fearful of those who practice a different religion within their neighbourhood. Fortunately, because of my experiences with Sikhism, I knew that Divjot was not repeating the teachings of her religion. The foundation of being a Sikh is loving and serving others, no matter what their race or religion. By taking a deep breath, one thought that came to me was remembering this was a 6 year old who was doing the best she could, using her level of language development, to express a need to connect with me. By taking my glasses off, I could see the innocence in her and the challenge she was having to accurately express her happiness with being Sikh. I decided to use my knowledge and experience with Sikhism to connect with Divjot.

“Is your temple called a Gurdwara?”, I asked.

“Yes!” she exclaimed with amazement.

Then I asked, “Does your temple have a Langar? Have you eaten at the Langar?”

“Yes! How did you know?”, she asked.

I told her about the times I have eaten at a Langar. “Langar” is the term used in Sikhism for the community kitchen in a Gurdwara where a free meal is served to all the visitors, without distinction of religion, caste, gender, economic status or ethnicity. The free meal is always vegetarian and sometimes vegan. Sikhs sit on the floor on mat in line to eat, an act that reminds them to eat with gratitude and reminds them of equality.

Encounter World Religions participants eating at the Langar (the downstairs of the Gurdwara) in Mississauga.

I asked Divjot if she ate on the floor? Did she only take the amount of food she could eat? It is important to never waste food at a Langar, “Is that right?” I asked.

“Yes!”, she responded now giggling with excitement.

I grabbed my phone and showed her pictures of me eating at a Langar when I attended the Parliament of World Religions event in 2018. She giggled when she saw the orange scarf the Sikh ladies had tied on my head before I could enter.

Eating at the Langar at the Parliament of World Religions 2018, hosted in Toronto.

I showed her a picture of me at a Sikh ceremony in a Gurdwara in Mississauga. More curious students had now gathered around listening in on our conversation. One student looked over my shoulder at my phone and asked, “What’s that?”

The evening Sikh ceremony at the Gurdwara.

It’s their book” I said, “a very special book.”

Divjot spoke up and said, “Well, not exactly, it’s not exactly a book…” as she was pausing to find the words to explain I corrected myself.

“Oh I’m sorry. It’s the Guru, right?”, I asked her.

“Yes!”, Divjot lit up again. Then she looked at me with confusion in her eyes. She was looking at me with an expression that said, “How can you know all of this?” I could almost see her own judgments about me shattering as she touched her forehead.

Then she looked up at me with a big smile and said, “I love you Mrs. McPherson!” while at the same time wrapping her arms tightly around my waist.

As I placed my arms around the small of her back, I just soaked in the love. I realized if I hadn’t taken that deep breath, and taken my glasses off, I would have missed this moment.

I would have missed this powerful exchange of love and acceptance. I would have missed the connection that occurs when walls of judgment and prejudice come tumbling down. The connection that comes when we let go of the stories we have about the other and instead just listen. The connection that comes when we no longer need to listen from a place of deciding who is right or wrong. The connection that comes when we can just listen without needing to defend our own ways. The connection that comes when we can listen to another person’s path knowing it does not make our path wrong.

Divjot, another one of my spiritual teachers.

Listening To The Other Invites The Other To Hear You

Did I have a need to share my path with Divjot? At that moment, no. Perhaps another time. However, what I have come to know is that when I truly listen to others, when they feel truly heard, then and only then, are they ready to listen to me. Only then are they able to not only hear me, but hear me correctly, rather than through their preconceived darkened glasses. By taking off my glasses and listening to others, I not only hear the other but my act invites others to do the same.

“Black Lives Matter”

During this historic time of raising awareness and collective consciousness in regards to “Black Lives Matter”, what can we do to bring more peace within ourselves and others? As we watch the news, read our social media feeds, participate in challenging conversations around historical events and racism, as we witness the removal of statues, as we listen to the words of political leaders, as we watch riots and destruction on our TV screens, as we witness acts of violence between races and people in positions of power, when we hear chants and read signs carried during peace walks, what would happen if we all took the time to take a deep breath and take off our glasses?

What would happen if we exhaled our confusion and pain and opened ourselves to a deeper understanding that our minds alone could never attain?

What would happen if we inhaled love and compassion into our hearts for ourselves so we could in turn, offer that same love and compassion for those suffering?

What would happen if we listened without thinking another’s story negates our own?

What would happen if we stood in a place of compassion and witnessed the walls of our own prejudiced beliefs crumble to our feet?

In each and every moment we have a choice. We can contribute to the pain and suffering on the planet or we can contribute to the healing and connection amongst our fellow human beings.

Today, what will you choose?

Today, I invite you to take a deep breath, take off your glasses, and invite a peaceful perspective into your mind and love into your heart. I am certain you will be glad you did.

“My God Is Better Than Your God”